Tick.......Tock.....

We are renters.

Have been forever really. I'm not sure why but that is actually embarrassing for me to say. Maybe it's because I know I am throwing my money away every time I send in the rent check. Maybe it's because I have moved my family eight times in 11 years. Or maybe it's because I made a promise to myself when Jason was born (I was 16 years old) that by the time he started kindergarten, I would have bought a home for us. Jason is now in 5th grade and I still haven't fulfilled my promise to my little boy. I tried, believe me I tried so hard. I went through the whole process twice, all the papers, all the letters, all of that. Just for everyone to tell me I wasn't worthy. Not even a house, I wasn't worthy of the townhome or even the trailer I was trying to buy for my family. It was so disheartening to hear and honestly I sort of gave up. I didn't want to hear that again, I think I started to believe them. I wasn't worthy.

It's time.

It's time for me to stop being scared and it's time for me to try. I need to stop being a pessimist and stop being a quitter. Our kids need a home of their own. A home where they can meet friends that they can still keep the next year. A home with a big backyard where they can play and not have to worry about hateful neighbors calling the police on them. They just need a real home and they deserve it.

Last night Mike and I stayed up late putting in an application for financing online. We are trying again to get that house I promised I would get twelve years ago. We are waiting to hear back from the loan officer hopefully with positive news. Now we just wait.

Tick....tock.....

Waiting is no fun. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that not hearing back yet isn't a bad sign. I am trying not to think about it, but it's there, eating away at the back of my mind. Will we get it? Will they look at my credit report and laugh and point? Will they tell us no? I guess if they do tell us no at least I can say we tried... and we will try again if we have to.

I promise...