Today after school, while the kids were outside. I had a visitor. My next door neighbor who in the year that we have lived here has never introduced himself to me decided to stop by. I was delighted to finally meet him but my happiness was soon to be dashed when he spoke. Apparently John is allergic to kids and has come over to tell me how particularly sour he is on my kids.
He starts his little speech by saying, "I think you should be a better mother and teach your kids to not kick their ball over the fence." He also tells me "You should also tell them to stay out of my front yard." There were other choice words spoken by my neighbor but aren't worth repeating. He was very kind to let me know if I didn't follow his parenting advice, he was prepared to get the authorities involved.
You may be wondering, Wow! How many times do they kick this lethal ball of fire and spikes over the fence to upset him so much? Maybe once every month or two.
I am guessing John did not like my nickname I gave him as he walked away while he was still commenting on my parenting skills. So he decided to call his friend Officer Chavez to come by and have a talk with me. When I went outside to greet my new badge adorning visitor, I noticed that my new friend John decided to help the kids out in case they did not know which yard was forbidden by stretching my garden hose across the property line. How nice of him.
Officer Chavez didn't seem to think the ball over the fence warranted my three ball kicking children a trip to jail like John had hoped. Officer Chavez did tell me that on top of the ball kicking, line crossing little mongrels, John also called wanting Officer Chavez to address the few bird turds that were on my porch. My bird turds? Seriously John? Me and Officer Chavez discussed how much John loves children and the importance of good neighbors. The officer let me off with a stern warning but said next time John says my beasts fire a cannon ball into his yard I will be serving hard time.
He starts his little speech by saying, "I think you should be a better mother and teach your kids to not kick their ball over the fence." He also tells me "You should also tell them to stay out of my front yard." There were other choice words spoken by my neighbor but aren't worth repeating. He was very kind to let me know if I didn't follow his parenting advice, he was prepared to get the authorities involved.
You may be wondering, Wow! How many times do they kick this lethal ball of fire and spikes over the fence to upset him so much? Maybe once every month or two.
I am guessing John did not like my nickname I gave him as he walked away while he was still commenting on my parenting skills. So he decided to call his friend Officer Chavez to come by and have a talk with me. When I went outside to greet my new badge adorning visitor, I noticed that my new friend John decided to help the kids out in case they did not know which yard was forbidden by stretching my garden hose across the property line. How nice of him.
Officer Chavez didn't seem to think the ball over the fence warranted my three ball kicking children a trip to jail like John had hoped. Officer Chavez did tell me that on top of the ball kicking, line crossing little mongrels, John also called wanting Officer Chavez to address the few bird turds that were on my porch. My bird turds? Seriously John? Me and Officer Chavez discussed how much John loves children and the importance of good neighbors. The officer let me off with a stern warning but said next time John says my beasts fire a cannon ball into his yard I will be serving hard time.
Hey John, here's an idea, how about if the ball comes over the fence, you just throw it back over! And if the bird crap on my porch is really bothering you, then stay off my porch!
How lucky I am to have such wonderful good hearted neighbors like John. I can feel the warm holiday spirit in the air already.
How lucky I am to have such wonderful good hearted neighbors like John. I can feel the warm holiday spirit in the air already.
4 comments:
Wow Rebecca, what a sweetheart neighbor you have. I'm super jealous. I would be very tempted to start kicking the ball into his yard everyday now, but maybe that's not the best course of action. What a jerk.
Are you serious? You should tell your neighbor that there is surgery available to have the large anthropoid removed from his rectum. What a tool. I hate it when grumpy people try to be the joy vacuum for everyone around them. If I had responded to that call, I would have asked him why he felt it necessary to wasted city funds to work out a civil (non criminal) matter. Then I would wait till he pulled out of the neighborhood and gave him a ticket for a traffic violation. But don’t tell anyone that.
Officer Raine
Thanks for the kind words. I was laughing out loud at your comment, and I would have been on cloud nine if I saw him get a ticket. I have considered picking up a few brochures for some really nice 55+ communities to give him. I don't see how you can get so mad at children just for being outside playing. Maybe he shouldn't have chose to live in a very family oriented community.
OMG!! That is soo flipping hilarious! Geesh I bet you are all warm and tingly inside finally getting to know your neighbor.
Man what a Richard!!
I can't wait to stay tuned..I am sure there will be more to this story.
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